Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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