Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
