I smell stomach acid.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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