I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Help me help you realize you are a moron
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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