Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
