I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
