I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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