Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This is my life. Enjoy the view
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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