And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
