if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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