He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
