I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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