My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
