What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I believe in your delicious
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
