You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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