Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
