you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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