I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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