I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
