Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
operation harelip BJ is a go
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
