Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
