We're facebook friends in real life
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
