I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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