I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
