Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
