just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
