Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
