apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
