mondays should just be called national damage control day
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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