Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
