I accidentally burped into my bong.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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