My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
