you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
