Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
