if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
