made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
