never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
