; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
