hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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