whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
BRING THE BAGELS
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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