So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I could fuck to npr.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
