Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
