Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
