im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
