i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
