According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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