I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
