He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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