His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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