what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
