so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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