apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
