I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
