We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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