It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
