He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
