I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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