Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
