dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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