last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
