I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
