I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
