There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
