Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
