Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
