Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
