If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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