yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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