I bet he comes in French.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
